A Bit Broken

The advertising:

“the iPhone 4 is thin as a rake but the front and back are 30 times stronger than the usual plastic. Reason – aluminosilicate glass, the stuff that windshields of military choppers are made of.”

The reality:

“1x iphone 4 16 gig in nice cosmetic condition. this item was dropped in the sink in water removed within seconds but damage was done”

So, if you ever find you need to quickly disable a military chopper*, quickly dunk it in a bowl of water.

“i cannot check iemi, the sim holder is missing.”

Are the sim holders soluble then? Seems an odd design feature.

And as for the iPad;

“1X IPAD 2,16 GIG WI.FI 3G please study pictures of this item, it was dropped face down and front is a mess. touch is smashed.screen is smashed,”

So. It’s all smashed then?

“back is not damaged in anyway”

Oh, that’s ok then. Obviously they make the backs of ipads out of military chopper windshields, but not the fronts.
Cheapskates.

“power button is intact,when powered on item is on for approx 10 seconds then powers of,then on again and process is repeated.”

If it could display “Just let me die”, it would.

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*not a euphemism

“Hi you are bidding on 4 pressure washers”

Damn this is getting tedious.
No, I’m not bidding – I’m looking. Not bidding.
Quite definitely not bidding.

“I recently brought 3 of eBay to repair my karcher 111 as needed a hose “

You brought 3 of ebay? Surely you mean you bought 3 of ebay? Although I dread to think how much it would cost to buy just one ebay, let alone 3 of them. That’s rather extravagant, isn’t it?

Oh, you bought 3 OFF ebay - That'd be this auction then, would it?

“but after picking up found none of the hoses fitted mine so am selling whole lot together as job lot”

£23.68. Wasted.

So now someone else can buy them, add another pressure washer to the pile and sell them for half what they paid for this lot?
It seems to be some form of reverse pyramid scheme.

“the 111 works fully no leaks just needs new hose”

Yes, works fully. Apart from the hose.

“the others are untested and are as brought of eBay”

No doubt the first one was sold by ebay themselves in order to start the ball rolling. They must have made a packet on just the listing fees alone so far, let alone paypal’s cut on top of that.

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Dishwaser? Try again.

“Fully Intergrated Dishwasher FAULTY!”

Better, but now you got “Integrated” wrong.
Oh well.

“Does a rinse cycle and starts beeping! Possible faulty heater! Ideal if u can repair yourself!”

Useless if you can’t.

“Otherwise it has never had any other problems!”

Right, so when it washed dishes (or wased them, maybe) it was fine.
Now it doesn’t, it isn’t.

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“Only used for 4 months. Only selling as sadly my pet turtle had passed away.”

{Removes hat in respect}
How long do turtles live for, anyway? Is 4 months a good innings?
Is it only the mutant ninja ones that grow up to become teenagers?

“Tank comes with unit (partly damaged on one corner) two heaters, uv light. Internal filter. I also have few other bits I will chuck in as well.”

Like a dead turtle?
Is a dead turtle in a tank better or worse than a dead dog in a box?

“Message me if you don’t want the cabinet and we can come to an arrangement for just the tank.”

And if you don’t want either?
What if you just want the turtle?

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Conflicted feelings today: Happy because we have a submission from “Ian” (Thanks Ian!), but sad because it’s brought this sad state of affairs to our attention.
Won’t somebody please stop this cruel trade in cage-fighting laptops?

“WE ARE OFFERING A CAGE OF 100 LAPTOPS”

No thanks, I’ll stick with free-range ones.

“WE RECEIVE APPROXIMATELY 200 UNITS PER DAY READY FOR SALE.”

By “Ready for sale”, I assume you mean “Ready for the bin”?
Or they’re ready for sale before you put them in cages to fight it out, then sell what’s left afterwards?

“DAMAGE VARIES ON UNITS. SOME POWER UP, OTHERS HAVE BROKEN SCREENS, A FEW MAY HAVE LIQUID DAMAGE.”

And some have had fluorescent tubes or folding chairs smashed over them?
That’s a few different categories ticked then.

“THERE IS NO GUARANTEE AS TO WHAT YOU MAY RECEIVE.”

Oh, I think you’ll find there is.
Guaranteed tat.

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“This has approx 10mls missing from it because my daughter thought she would look good using it as a face mask!.”

And what makes you think, if you didn’t want it after your daughter had got her mitts on it, that anyone else would?

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“My baby has smashed it with bottle of milk LOL”

Well, that’s a first.
I wonder what “Milk LOL” is?

“You can still watch it but you have to accept “the rainbow” in the middle of the screen”

Because that’s not in the least bit intrusive, is it?
Still, better than that B&O one we had the other day I suppose.

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“Camaro bubble spa We’ve had this for 2 years and love it! Sad to see it go.
However, the bubbles are tempramental – sometimes they work, sometimes they don’t.”

Depending on whether or not you had beans for tea.

“I have no idea why this happens but i’m sure its fixable.”

Less beans, maybe?

“The straps on the lid have also broke but we found this makes no difference, the water still heats up just as quick and keeps the heat in and its never blown off.”

Never blown off?
What, never?
So much for that theory then.

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Obviously, serial submitter “Hoopy” is feeling their territory is being threatened and is fluffing up their chest feathers and strutting about the place squawking

“See your iPod and raise you an iPad”.

I’ve got cockerels like that.
As long as Hoopy doesn’t start pecking any of the other submitters and getting on the roof of my shed I think we’ll be ok.

Apparently,

“It’s been dropped and damaged.”

Dropped and damaged?
Damaged as a result of the drop or just damaged as well, for good measure?
And as Hoopy wondered,

“Dropped onto what, and from what height?”

Obviously, your guess is a good as mine but I’d suspect it was with some force to bend the casing like that.
Think that’s good enough for me to tick the rarely-used “Rage” category.

“It does not seem to power on when plugged in.”

Really? Well that’s surprising.

“It does not include the original box or software and does not include the charger. “

Of course it doesn’t. They were probably sold separately, after all.
Or maybe they burnt up on re-entry to the earth’s atmosphere?
I mean, it was dropped from Low Earth Orbit, wasn’t it?

“There may be dents, scratches, or scuffs that don’t show up well in the photos.”

Is that because they’re hidden underneath all the other dents and cracks?
I don’t think you really need to worry about the unseen damage, I would have thought the damage you can see in the pictures would be enough to put you off. Having said that, it doesn’t seem to have deterred the 4 bidders so far.

“It is possible that this item has been exposed to liquid.”

Oh, just to make sure, eh?

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Oh dear, looks like the iPad floodgates have opened.

“Put together your laptop, iPod and iPhone – you get the dynamic Apple iPad.”

But what happens when you put together your laptop, iPod, iPhone and some water?
You get a somewhat less dynamic iPad, it would appear.
(That still can’t make phone calls, so why you’d add an iPhone into the mix to start with is anyone’s guess.)

“The Apple iPad, with a perfect blend of looks and performance is probably the only gadget you will ever need again”

Until they bring out a waterproof version, anyway.

“Apple iPad 16GB, water was dropped onto the iPad and it no longer powers on,”

Well, I suppose water’s better than the last one.”
It’s not just me that thinks that wording’s a bit off, is it?
It didn’t ‘get wet‘, it had ‘water dropped on it‘. Wonder how much?
A pallet-load? Was it moisture damage or impact damage?

“Has a few small dints to the back casing,”

Hmmm, we never saw the back of the previous one. Wonder if anyone thought to check that.
Maybe that was ok and could have been used as spares to fix this one?
That was £196 all in, ths one’s currently at £104, so that’s currently £300 for 2 broken ipads.
Providing no other lunatics start bidding.
How much is a brand new working one again?

“was working fine before the water damage.”

Apple has an app called Time Machine, don’t they?
Will that help in this instance?
Or do you still have to be able to travel back in time to before the damage tooke place in order to install it?

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