Conflicted feelings today: Happy because we have a submission from “Ian” (Thanks Ian!), but sad because it’s brought this sad state of affairs to our attention.
Won’t somebody please stop this cruel trade in cage-fighting laptops?
“WE ARE OFFERING A CAGE OF 100 LAPTOPS”
No thanks, I’ll stick with free-range ones.
“WE RECEIVE APPROXIMATELY 200 UNITS PER DAY READY FOR SALE.”
By “Ready for sale”, I assume you mean “Ready for the bin”?
Or they’re ready for sale before you put them in cages to fight it out, then sell what’s left afterwards?
“DAMAGE VARIES ON UNITS. SOME POWER UP, OTHERS HAVE BROKEN SCREENS, A FEW MAY HAVE LIQUID DAMAGE.”
And some have had fluorescent tubes or folding chairs smashed over them?
That’s a few different categories ticked then.
“THERE IS NO GUARANTEE AS TO WHAT YOU MAY RECEIVE.”
Obviously, serial submitter “Hoopy” is feeling their territory is being threatened and is fluffing up their chest feathers and strutting about the place squawking
“See your iPod and raise you an iPad”.
I’ve got cockerels like that.
As long as Hoopy doesn’t start pecking any of the other submitters and getting on the roof of my shed I think we’ll be ok.
Apparently,
“It’s been dropped and damaged.”
Dropped and damaged?
Damaged as a result of the drop or just damaged as well, for good measure?
And as Hoopy wondered,
“Dropped onto what, and from what height?”
Obviously, your guess is a good as mine but I’d suspect it was with some force to bend the casing like that.
Think that’s good enough for me to tick the rarely-used “Rage” category.
“It does not seem to power on when plugged in.”
Really? Well that’s surprising.
“It does not include the original box or software and does not include the charger. “
Of course it doesn’t. They were probably sold separately, after all.
Or maybe they burnt up on re-entry to the earth’s atmosphere?
I mean, it was dropped from Low Earth Orbit, wasn’t it?
“There may be dents, scratches, or scuffs that don’t show up well in the photos.”
Is that because they’re hidden underneath all the other dents and cracks?
I don’t think you really need to worry about the unseen damage, I would have thought the damage you can see in the pictures would be enough to put you off. Having said that, it doesn’t seem to have deterred the 4 bidders so far.
“It is possible that this item has been exposed to liquid.”
“HITACHI L32HP03U32″ LCD TV,HD READY BUILT IN FREEVIEW,2 HDMI PORTS, 2 SCART PORTS ,COMMON INTERFACE PORT AND USB PORT CAN BE USED AS A MONITOR ,TV OUTER IS IN PERFECT CONDITION NO SCRATCHES BUILT IN STAND , COMES WITH POWER CABLE,BUT NO REMOTE”
Well that sounds pretty good.
“BAD POINT SCREEN IS DAMAGED BUT AS YOU SEE IN THE PIC IT STILL POWERS UP AND LIGHTS UP”
Oh right. Well, to be fair, Maplin sell a 6″ one for £19.99 so maybe £29.99 for a 32″ one isn’t such a bad deal?
And Maplin’s one doesn’t have freeview, hdmi or even scart.
“CAN BE REPAIRED”
Why would you want to do that? You’d just end up with a TV then, not this work of art.
“hi i have pallet off soudlab dj euqipment selling spares reapir but lot untested mixed dj lighting mic mixers microphones heatind air conditioning lighting and more”
I’m impressed (by which I mean ‘horrified’, obviously).
You don’t normally get this level of illiteracy unless the auction ends with the line
“Posted with eBay Mobile”
However, this auction doesn’t even have that disclaimer, so by the looks of things it’s actually been slowly and laboriously tapped in on a normal keyboard. Tongue poking from corner of mouth, prominent brow muscles knotted like old discarded marine rope, dripping with sweat from the effort of wrestling with such lofty concepts as spelling and grammar, as fingers like joints of ham forcefully mash the keyboard into submitting the most basic representation of the English language possible…a truly Herculean effort. But whereas Hercules strangled snakes at birth, mstaniec1 probably stared at all the wriggling lines under his words in blank incomprehension.
Honestly, they must make Sylvester Stallone look like Brian Sewell.
Chief Constable Campbell Corrigan probably looks like Mavis Beacon in comparison and he’s not even got past the logon screen.
“over 50 items 3 pallets avalible you bidding on one pallet”
“ASSUME NOT COMPLETE – NOT WORKING – FOR SPARES/REPAIR
7 X IMAC G4 15″/17″ VARIOUS SPECS
2 X IMAC G5 17″
AN ENTIRE PALLET OF IMAC INTEL CASING PARTS AND SPARES pallet delivery £50 or collection in H.Wycombe”
Blah, blah, blah, all the usual, nothing particularly special there…
“Do NOT (!!!!) bid if you do not understand English or the above, or if you are an ebay Apple trader from Wales with around 5500 feedback on ebay. you know who you are!!”
Ooooh, intriguing!
Especially coming from someone whose business has the strapline
“everything we touch….turns to solved”
and at the bottom states:
“We may contact you from time to time with promotional offers”
Sounds great. Wonder what went on there then?
If you’re a Welsh eBay Apple trader with around 5500 feedback, do let us know…
Potential early contender for understatement of the year.
“i was still using it even though it had been snapped of for two days untill i brought a new one”
And now he’s offering it for sale so other masochists can try to play while broken plastic digs into their palms. That’s nice of him.
Or maybe not.
Does supplying implements of pain and torture make you a sadist if the recipient wants them?
Surely not supplying them would make you more of a sadist in that case?
Answers on the back of a postcard, dropped in the bin, please.
“I am selling an old PS1 of mine. I no longer use it.”
Who does?
“The PS1 does work but you need a book on the top to keep the Game covering down.”
Ah, right. Or you could just read the book?
“Both Game controllers are broken but you may be able to repair them.”
Nice, flattering your ego that you may succeed where the seller has failed. Classic technique.
“GAME Cotrollers – Both Spares/Repair – I personally would replace them both”"
By selling them.
“Games – 16 GAMES in total
Legacy of Kain – Soul Reaver
GRAND THEFT AUTO
X-Blades – inline skater
WF – Ware ZONE
ALIEN TRILOGY – The complete Alien Triloghy in one black-death, white knuckle nightmare
SHADOW MAN
FIFA 99
DUKE NUKEM – Land of the Babes
MARTIAN GOTHIC – unification
RAT ATTACK
SPACE INVADERS
SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS
ANASTASIA
MediEvil
SMACK DOWN 2
LE MANS 24HOURS”
Classics, one and all…
In particular, let us not forget “Martian Gothic: Unification” and that wonderfully hypocritical moment on biased-afternoon-bored-housewife-fodder “The Alan Titchmarsh Show” almost a year ago, where Alan’s resident ‘sexpert’ Julie Peasgood, one of the voice actors in the (survival horror) game, claimed she was “categorically against violence for entertainment.”
WARNING: Contains nauseating levels of former Sun Editor Kelvin MacKenzie.
and Alan Titchmarsh.
and Julie Peasgood.
and a baying mob of an audience, mooing on-cue like the easily led cattle they are, deliberately wound up and no doubt plied with cheap sherry beforehand.
Kudos to Tim Ingham and C&VG for their stand against it here & here
GigerPunk • 
10:45 am • 
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