Vrrt vrrt! goes my phone. New mail.
A BitBroken submission from Hoopy?
Let’s have a quick look.
Hmmm, Not much wrong with that, at first glance.
I mean, I’m sure we’ve seen worse.
“HP Pavilion ZE2000
Laptop
Needs new screen hinges”
Are there other pictures? What do they look like?
What did Hoopy spot?
(more…)
This one’s from “Hoopy”
Thanks Hoopy!
“Here for sale my girlfriend laptop.”
Obviously the seller really loved this laptop once, but that feeling’s since faded and his eye’s been caught by a younger, sprightlier new model?
Or did this ‘girlfriend laptop’ cheat on him in some way?
“About 3 years old.”
[Gary Glitter joke goes here]
“Its was work fine, but before a few days it’s stop working.”
Anyone able to work out what the hell this is supposed to mean?
I think that’s a tick in the “Worked until broke” box, but am unsure.
“Lights coming but screen is dark.”
Lights are on but nobody’s home?
“I think it’s motherboard fold.”
You really shouldn’t be folding the motherboard, you know that?
“Laptop in super good condition, looks like a new ( no any scratches, see photos )”
Like a new what?
“This laptop was used very careful, just for e-mails, and read news.”
SELLER HAS NOT LOOKED AT ANY PORN ON THIS LAPTOP.
“So, it’s will be very nice for some body, who can fix motherboard, or just for spare, because is no ANY SCRATCHES, AND LIKE A NEW!!!!.”
Or anyone who enjoys sloppy seconds.
“This ipod is water damaged. However it still works but the screen is very faint. My son dropped it in the bath.”
Quite possibly the most uselessly cack-handed suicide attempt ever.
“No accessories included.”
Not even a flannel?
“It is ipod touch not the new one 32GB”
And I dread to think what your son was touching it with, if he was using it in the bath.
Oh god, this is even worse than the last time we had a mattress on here.
“As you can see from the pictures this bed is in well used condition and has a lot ‘staining’ on the matress which gives the mattress a ‘dirty’ look.”
That’s ‘staining’ and ‘dirty’ with ‘fingerquotes’, obviously.
So, it’s not really stained or dirty, is it?
“I try to be as honest as i can when listing items. These stains are from wear over the years.”
Oh. I guess it is.
“There is NO BLOOD, OR URINE STAINS, just from usuall wear.”
Oh. ‘Usual wear’.
Those stains, then.
Never before has the reassurance of the lack of blood or urine been so disturbing.
“The divan its self is a litte ‘grubby’ from again daily use.”
There’s those little marks either side of the disturbing word in the sentence again.
Also, “daily use”? You mucky bugger.
“It also has alot of plucking from my cat who thought it was her strach post!”
That is definitely “plucking”, isn’t it?
Only I notice it’s not in quotes and just want to be sure.
“The drawers are all good quality, and fairly deep to store bed linen/clohes all draws are on runners.”
I dread to think of the state of the stored bedlinen/clohes if the ‘staining’ from ‘usual wear’ and ‘daily use’ seeped through.
“Due to size you will need a van to collect item”
And an industrial incinerator capable of rendering safe a potential biohazard threat.
Still, at least they didn’t say they
“SPILT A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF MY POP ON IT”.
Unless, in their own way, they did?
Is this is a third possible meaning for that phrase that no-one picked up on?
GigerPunk • 
10:45 am • 
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