A Bit Broken

“I HAVE THIS TV WHICH I BOUGHT JUST OVER A YEAR AGO I STILL HAVE THE RECIEPT MANUALS AND EVERTHING FOR THE TV.”

Just over a year ago? Warranty’s run out already?
I’m sure you could still get it checked out, couldn’t you? There’s probably still the manufacturer’s warranty isn’t there?

“THE REASON FOR THIS SALE IS BECAUSE JUST THE OTHER DAY I HAD RED N GREEN LINES APPEARING ON THE SCREEN, AND CANNOT BE BOTHERD GETTING IT CHECKED OUT OR REPAIRED”

I have to say, that’s an impressive level of apathy, even by my standards.
And yet you can be bothered to do an ebay auction.
But can’t be bothered to spell ‘bothered’ correctly.

“MAY BE A SIMPLE FIX, YOU CAN TAKE A LOOK ON THE PICTURES TO SEE WHAT I MEAN.”

Have you tried percussive maintenance (i.e. giving it a thump)? That always used to work on old TV sets.
No, not on the screen, and certainly not with a wii controller.
Of course, that would most likely involve having to get up off your arse to try, so I can see why you might not bother.

“THIS TV COST ME ALOT OF MONEY AND STILL COSTS ALOT OF MONEY IF YOU TAKE A LOOK ON PRICERUNNER OR ANY OTHER WEBSITES.”

And yet you still can’t be bothered to even try getting it fixed.
You realise you’ll have to get up to post it if it sells? Oh wait, collection only.
Are you expecting people to come into your living room to disconnect it too?

“IT IS ONE OF THE TOP OF THE RANGE LCD TVS MADE BY SONY.”

Yeah, well, not like that it isn’t.

“CONTACT ME FOR MORE INFO AND I WILL BE HAPPY TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS”

Any questions?
If the Earth is round, why are tables flat?
What colour is a mirror?
How do you pronounce the word ‘ghoti’?

“THE WINNER WILL HAVE TO PICK UP THE TELEVISION “

Or the binmen.

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Ok, bit of a break from the norm today, partly because I just found it amusing but also because I just really can’t be bothered trawling through all the tat today.
No-one’s sent anything in for ages, what are you lot all up to, eh?

Ok, so it’s not actually broken, but that may because it is:

“Built to the highest quality using military and aviation spec components”

and

“(the red buttons in the keyboard are the ones designed and used in the B52 military aircraft!)”

Somewhere, there is a B-52 pilot wondering where half his cockpit has gone.

“Prior to my owning this system, it was owned by a world (very) famous musician/composer”

Mozart?
Beethoven?
Timmy Mallett?

“I guarantee that you will have heard many of the tracks it was used on, and quite probably you have heard it performing in a movie at some stage.”

Deaf people, prepare your complaints now.

“Included in the price is every music sound library made for Synclavier, by Synclavier.
(They cost 2,000 dollars EACH to buy new)

It also comes with the recent MegaMusic library for Synclavier included at no extra cost. (It cost £2,400 to buy new.)
This contains almost 17,000 musical instruments and unique sounds created on the Synclavier for the Synclavier.”

“When it was new the system cost 200,000 dollars. Yes, you did read that right. Two hundred big ones.”

See? There’s the “Significant discount” category ticked already. Stop complaining.

“You will be joining the most exclusive instrumental club in the world.”

Unless anyone wants to buy a kazoo from me for £30,000?

So, why sell something worth so much for such a (comparatively) low price?

“The Sob Story

Sadly for the Synclavier, my wife produced another child a few months back,
and while this is lovely it does mean that space is now diminishing by the day.

Please buy my Synclavier. My kids are eating me out of house and home.
(and what the hell do they do with all that toilet paper? We are always running out and it is costing me a fortune”

“I am happy to consider any sensible cash offers for a quick sale.”

For the kids or the Synclavier?
Wonder if he’ll accept payment in toilet rolls instead?

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“We have tested this unit and can confirm that the dvd player is not working.”

And?

“All other functions are in working order.”

So the screen’s meant to look like that, is it?

“The casing and screen are in good cosmetic condition with only minor cosmetic marks. Please see photos for details.”

That’s good cosmetic condition, apparently.
(Is that sellotape on the side of it?)

“Original RRP – £200″

And yet, somehow, it now doesn’t seem to be worth even a tenth of that price.
Strange, that.

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“Good working condition.”

Oh, that’s odd. Makes a change though, I suppose.

“Around 5-6 years old (original cost £2200)”

And now up for sale with a Buy It Now price of £250.
Why would you want to do that if it’s in good working condition?

“Issues.”

Should have known.

“The Ariel socket got damaged in transit so that isn’t functional. (Scart/HDMI/Component/VGA Only) again – NO ariel.”

Hence the almost two grand drop in price.
Aerial sockets are obviously very expensive components.

“Its for sale as I’m literally one foot away from TV (since moving home)”

What an odd reason to sell. Have you considered maybe stepping further away from it, if that’s a problem?
Or do you just sell anything that’s within arms’ reach?

“You can see dancing pixels…”

I’ll admit, I’ve not been following Strictly Come Dancing.
Is Brucie computer generated now?

“but I think that is because I’m so close..”

Or you’ve been sniffing glue?

“when I was in Wales…10 feet away watching sky hd, picture was stunning.”

Do I need to create a new category?
“Worked fine in Wales”

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“Here we have a projection television by one of the top makes in the world TOSHIBA IT HAS 55 INCH SCREEN WHICH IS CRACKED”

Ah yes, “TOSHIBA IT HAS 55 INCH SCREEN WHICH IS CRACKED” – they’re one of the top makes, aren’t they?
Right up there with “SONY WAS WORKING FINE TIL MY SON THREW A WII CONTROLLER AT IT” and “LG I DROPPED ICRECREAM DOWN THE BACK”.

“also needs other repair to get a proper picture”

But you’re not going to tell anyone what that is, as it would spoil the surprise?

“this television is huge & cost around £6000.00 when new”

Well, who’s the mug with more money than sense then?

“it has built in surround sound which sounds totally amazing.”

I should bloody hope so for 6 grand.

“WE HAVE ALREADY REPLACED THIS TV SO IT’S NOW FOR SALES AS SPARES OR REPAIR.”

With a considerably cheaper one, I’d hope.

“due to size & weight this is a local pick up item only & you will need to bring a large van to carry it home in as it will not fit into any car,i assure you of that .”

Oh, I’m sure I could fit it in a hatchback if I took an axe to it. After all, it’s hardly going to affect the picture quality now, is it?

“must be picked up within 3 days of auction ending as we really need the space”

Well maybe you shouldn’t have bought such a stupidly large TV set then?
Just a thought.

“it feels like you are watching in the cinema & you are waiting for the lady with the ice creams to arrive.”

Because you’re cramped in tiny seats with no legroom (due to the size of the set), the floor’s suspiciously sticky and you’ve just had to remortagage the house to pay for a small tray of nachos and a bucket sugary of water that’s actually mainly ice?

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“hi guys you are bidding on a rear projection Toshiba 42 in telly”

No I’m not.
I’m looking, not buying.
Quite definitely not buying.

“i brought this”

Where did you bring it from and where was it brought to?

“for over 250″

Pounds?
Pesos?
Peanuts?

“around 5 years ago and has worked and still works fine”

Not only is it allegedly still working fine, it has also worked in the past.
Very handy, should you wish to travel back in time to watch anything.

“broken remote”

And that used to work?
Or has previously never worked?

“and the screen has a large crack”

That’s a bit personal, isn’t it?

“but still works”

Of course it does.

“and could easily have screen replaced or just used for parts or repair”

But why would you want to do that if, as you say yourself, it “still works fine”?

“welcome to come and have a look or call for more in fo altho i am a girl and not very clued up on telly info so best to come and have a look”

“Come up and see my large crack, it still works fine.”
Worst come-on line ever.

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“BTC Drop Zero Pendant Ceiling Light DAMAGED NR”

I think someone took the “Drop” part of the title a little too literally, didn’t they?

“The ceiling rose is completely smashed and in pieces and the pendant shade has a large hole in it.”

Oh well, I suppose if you’re handy with the superglue it’s an option, isn’t it?
Might give it an interesting crackled effect.

“Please note that although there are loose smashed pieces included we cannot guarantee that there are not missing pieces.”

Okay, crackled and full of holes, then.

“Please note NO other parts or accessories are included.”

Not even anything to fill in the holes?

“Please see photos for details of everything that is included. A stock image has been used to show the item in its entirety.”

Which is the stock image? They all look broken…

“Original RRP – £130″

New price – 99p + £5 p&p
You may think that delivery cost is a bit excessive, given the price of the product, but that probably includes a lot of careful packaging to ensure it doesn’t get brok…oh.
Oh yeah. I forgot.

“Created in-house by designer Peter Bowles, BTC lights blend materials from bone china and satin chromes to natural cotton and aluminium. The relaxed, “unprocessed” style will sit comfortably in most settings.”

And this new “processed style” will sit quite comfortably in your local tip.

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“This is a really nice TV from Samsung that was used im my bedroom but has now been upgraded to a 32 inch so is no longer needed.
Is in EXCELLENT condition.”

Really? Oh no, wait, here it comes.

“HERE IS THE PROBLEM………There is a intermittent fault;”

Figures.
Excellent condition apart from that though.

“Sometimes it will just swith off or just does not want to turn on, sometimes it is fine. This has happened a few times but to be honest the last time I turned it on, last week when taking the pictures for this ad it stayed on for over 3 hours before I actually turned if off! I have had it in a repair shop who said he couldn’t find anything wrong with it so must just be something and nothing.”

“Something and nothing.”
That’s the technical description of the fault, obviously.

“It cost over £340.00 new and has not really been used that much as it was only in the bedroom and must get switched on once or twice a week!”

And yet it still broke.

“If you win the bid the TV must be collected along with the cash within 3 days.”

You have to collect the TV and collect the cash? Now it’s sounding tempting.
How much cash are we talking about?
Oh, just £40 at the moment.
And a drive to Bradford to pick it up.
Not really sure that’s worth it, sorry.
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“Only 18 Months old and cost me £680″

Significant discount category? Yes, I think so.

“Faulty JVC 42″ Plasma screen TV suitable spares or repair.”

Or taking to the local dump.

“I can guarantee its not been near or seen any riots EVER !!!!!!!!!!”

Because it broke before the recent riots were shown on TV?
And you never saw any footage of any other riots prior to that either?

On an entirely unconnected note, I wonder what he’s watching TV on now and where he got it from?

“This 42 inch widescreen plasma screen features outstanding picture quality as well as a built in Freeview tuner, A high static contrast ratio of 3000:1 offers a crisp image while the Nicam 3D sound system brings digital audio to your living room. Including a table top stand and a wall mounting option as well as a choice of connection options including HDMI means this TV will easily integrate into your home entertainment system.”

“As stated this TV is FAULTY Spares or Repair only “

Which rather renders the previous paragraph null and void really, doesn’t it?

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“This copy has a damaged cover through use but is still very usable
This a heavy book hence the postage cost but nonetheless costs at least £11.50 new”

£4.15 for “Economy Delivery”? You’ve got to think how that’s going to affect the fuel economy of your car, lugging around something that heavy all the time.

You may also want to think about all the road layouts that have changed in the last 10 years that would probably be in a new one.

“Ask if you need further information and/or photos (and include your email if you would like further photos).”

How about some photographs of the pages detailing the one-way system in Ashford?
Oh no, wait, it hasn’t had one since 2007, has it?

“Many other items for sale due to immigrating to Canada.”

Canada you say? Would you be interested in a map?

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